Thanksgiving Weather Report

Escaping the Cook
Thanksgiving Weather Report

The temperature of turkeys will gradually increase through the day as they will thaw in the morning and will have a temperature of about 190o F in the oven by afternoon. The cook's temperature will soar to hot and dry while humidity of kitchen will increase terribly. Busy moms may give you a cold shoulder today. Bothering them too much may lead to a small tempest. By later afternoon, the cold knife will cut across the turkey and one-to two inch high slices of turkey will fall on the plates.

Cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes will make the plates slippery and grimy. Stuffiness may increase drastically around the waist belt, so warnings have been issued about indigestion and weight watch today. You will have to pass the gravy. However, the evening will see turkey diminishing to leftovers that can then be even distributed to all the guests. The high pressure in the stomach will diminish slowly by the following weekend.


Gift of the Day

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John Maddens Turkey?

A turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey.
His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!"
They all asked the farmer how it tasted.
"I don't know" said the farmer. "I never could catch the darn thing!"






Gift Of The Day


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Thanksgiving Divorce

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says,"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,"

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."



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Thanksgiving Turkey

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy answered, "No ma'am, they're dead."



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